Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
