Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
