Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
