that's an acceptable place to lick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize