all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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