if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
