he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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