Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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