i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
are you so shy because you have an std?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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