So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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