I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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