Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
