Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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