But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
