SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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