Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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