I want to make a zoo with you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
