he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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