if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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