she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
