Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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