This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize