I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
