Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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