I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
