im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
