i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
