I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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