my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
