White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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