We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize