OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
