..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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