She is in my trunk
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
