why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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