shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How naked do you want me to be?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
