And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
