I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
