Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
