Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I smell stomach acid.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
