and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
