Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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