So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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