it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
