Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
