i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
