It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
