Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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