Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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