Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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