Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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