He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
