i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
