she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize