i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
