My pussy is not your playground.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
