I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
