Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
