Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
