Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize