i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
