last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
