I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
