I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
