you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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