I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
