Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
