In the future we'll all be gay
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize