I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
