There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
